Understanding Anxiety: Why It Happens and How to Manage

How anxiety shows up

Thoughts that keep spinning, especially at night. The replaying of conversations, worrying you said the wrong thing.

Worries about everything and anything – did that friend take what you said the wrong way? Did you upset someone unintentionally?

Imaginings of awful events that could happen, almost seeing them play out in your mind. predicting what could happen in the future, never a happy ending.

Memories of times that have gone by, things you could have done or said differently, replaying like an Instagram reel.

Thoughts that range from unease to dread to fear, it just feels relentless. You know the more ‘logical’ thought, but that doesn’t ease the anxiety.

In the body, it’s a racing heart, feeling hot or cold, breathing too fast, restless legs, tension, tight jaw, poor sleep, headaches, nausea…it’s physical and it is exhausting.

You might get irritable or angry, or feel like you shut down, desperate to hide away. You might avoid situations or people, or make decisions that don’t quite feel like you.

You just want the anxiety gone.

Why we feel anxious

Through my training, and having had to face up to anxiety myself, there’s one thing I’ve come to accept: anxiety is part of being human.

Its job is to monitor what’s happening around us and keep us safe. It helps us prepare for getting out our comfort zone, like making sure you do all the prep for a big work presentation. Or it motivates us to take care of those we love - it’s anxiety that makes sure we talk to children about how to cross a road safely. This sort of anxiety makes sense right?

But sometimes, anxiety gets over-eager, sensing danger everywhere.

• That text with an undertone? Anxiety’s all over it.

• Feedback from your manager? Anxiety says that your job’s at risk.

• Kids struggling at school? Anxiety keeps you awake blaming yourself.

Anxiety has good intentions, but sometimes it’s on alert too often, and too strongly.

Understanding your anxiety

Anxiety shows up for almost everyone. But if it’s starting to rule your life, it might be time to talk about it.

Talking about anxiety in counselling can help you understand what anxiety is for you: how it presents itself, what triggers it, and what it’s trying to protect you from. For me, a sore jaw after grinding my teeth all night is my first clue that anxiety is taking over more than I’d like.

Sometimes, it’s about tracing anxiety back. What past experiences are still setting off alarms? Maybe it’s something you’ve carried for a long time and never really had space to unpack. Or maybe it’s a current situation that’s stirred old feelings.

You might feel that anxiety has always been with you. If so, there’s strength in noticing how you’ve coped and kept going, that’s a story worth looking at too.

Finding your own ways to cope with anxiety

Building a personal toolkit for managing anxiety can help. Knowing what’s in it makes it easy to reach when you spot the signs that anxiety is taking over.

Things you might consider are:

• intentionally scheduling in downtime and rest - yes I know, it feels impossible to imagine, but if you can try to make it more of a priority on the to do list.

• working on a good sleep routine - again, I know, getting enough sleep can be anxiety-inducing. Again, think about small gains, little things to improve the sleep routine little by little.

• journalling what’s on your mind - literally five minutes, or draw it, or voice note it. You can delete it afterwards.

• spending time with people who you trust and find supportive - I walk with friends regularly and always think it's amazing how common our anxiety experiences are once we share them.

• movement and being outdoors - walking, yoga, gardening, or just put on a good upbeat song and move to it or even sing. Alanis Morisette for me, despite it not being upbeat!

• grounding techniques - so anything from a quick body scan (going through your body and working out where there is tension and relaxing that tension) to taking note of exactly where you are in the present moment and focusing on everything you are doing right at this minute, literally speaking it out loud.

Your toolkit is personal to you. One person’s yoga might be another’s tinkering in the shed. The point is to find what helps you feel steadier in the moment and fits in with your life. It also takes practice: as soon as you feel anxiety, you reach for something in your toolkit.

In counselling, we can explore anxiety as a kind of feedback mechanism - what’s it trying to tell you, and why now? By understanding your anxiety better, you can start to feel more in control of this part, instead of this anxiety part being in control of you.

If life feels like too much at the moment, or if anxiety keeps getting in the way of how you want to live, you don’t have to manage it alone. I offer one-hour counselling for anxiety in South Devon and online across the UK.